On Driving Frustrations & Other Impediments
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| CenturyLink Sports Complex, 2015 |
Friday, March 20, 2015
Pittsburgh Pirates vs. Minnesota Twins CenturyLink Sports Complex
Grapefruit League (Spring Training)
Fort Myers, FL
1:05 PM
Outside the Game:
I had a nice enough night of sleep, but my last few days had me waking up unnaturally early even though it wasn't required. I stumbled out to grab some breakfast buffet and ignore the Fox News on the TV set, and then stumbled back to the room and into bed again until I absolutely had to leave for the game.
It was about a ten-minute drive to the park after checking out, though the four-stage traffic lights made it seem like an hour. Not only are they inefficient and traffic multipliers, they are dangerous to boot. If you just miss the light, you know you are not moving for at least a couple minutes. I lost count of how many youngsters were staring at their phones when the light turned green before they even noticed. Not that I excuse their behavior, but if I was an attention-addled member of the younger generation (the “Millennials,” or so I’m told), I'd probably be checking my phone for a suicide app if I had to deal with these monstrosities every day of my life.
I eventually arrived at the park despite the time dilation and pulled into the parking lot. Upon exiting my vehicle, I was surprised to learn that, at 10 AM, the park was open to all comers three hours before the first pitch. This completely threw me off my schedule, and I scampered off to get my outside shots before heading back inside for the main attraction.
On my way out, I was feeling pretty good about the world. I was out of that heat, I was in my car and on the road in no time flat, and I had just under a three-hour drive to my hotel. This enthusiasm was brutally beaten and murdered in front of me, firstly by the four-stage traffic lights, which turned an eight-mile drive into a half-hour experience.
This was merely the appetizer for the drive up route 75 to Interstate 4. After making some nice headway and thinking about what I'd do with the time I was saving, I navigated through one or two patches of congestion, none of which were too severe. I still had hope in my heart.
That hope was ripped from my heart at a long rubberneck for an accident on the other side of the road. While I hate this stupid highway voyeurism more than anything else in the world (you can seriously see all you need to of the accident at speed, trust me), I still had some hope left for my drive.
But that last gasp was ground to bitter dust by a nearly constant state of congestion for the entire run up 75. Unhelpful road signs told me ahead of time that after this bit of congestion, there was another one up the road X miles away, just to make sure I wouldn't think this was the end of it. It was made worse by octogenarians who clogged up every possible breakout between the congestion pockets by never leaving the left lane, as well as by youngsters who weaved in and out of every crevice to try and gain a car length and scaring the old folks into driving even more cautiously, should such a thing be possible.
Finally slogging to the connection to Interstate 4, I was treated to a new stop-and-go gridlock. Already nearly an hour behind schedule, I just about lost my mind at this point and screamed myself hoarse at the world. Eventually, the traffic let up a little, and I began to violate the laws of the universe trying to make up time. There were a fervid pack of us trying to get by old people and families onto open road, and the sense of camaraderie was the only thing keeping me going at this point.
I finally, finally made it to the exit for my hotel and was immediately dropped onto a road with four-stage stoplights for the last five miles. I was not in a good mental state, to put it mildly. Some unclear signage to get to the hotel entrance nearly pushed me over the edge, but I got to the check-in area and waited in line to check in, slowly smoldering the drive from hell from my consciousness.
It was about a ten-minute drive to the park after checking out, though the four-stage traffic lights made it seem like an hour. Not only are they inefficient and traffic multipliers, they are dangerous to boot. If you just miss the light, you know you are not moving for at least a couple minutes. I lost count of how many youngsters were staring at their phones when the light turned green before they even noticed. Not that I excuse their behavior, but if I was an attention-addled member of the younger generation (the “Millennials,” or so I’m told), I'd probably be checking my phone for a suicide app if I had to deal with these monstrosities every day of my life.
I eventually arrived at the park despite the time dilation and pulled into the parking lot. Upon exiting my vehicle, I was surprised to learn that, at 10 AM, the park was open to all comers three hours before the first pitch. This completely threw me off my schedule, and I scampered off to get my outside shots before heading back inside for the main attraction.
On my way out, I was feeling pretty good about the world. I was out of that heat, I was in my car and on the road in no time flat, and I had just under a three-hour drive to my hotel. This enthusiasm was brutally beaten and murdered in front of me, firstly by the four-stage traffic lights, which turned an eight-mile drive into a half-hour experience.
This was merely the appetizer for the drive up route 75 to Interstate 4. After making some nice headway and thinking about what I'd do with the time I was saving, I navigated through one or two patches of congestion, none of which were too severe. I still had hope in my heart.
That hope was ripped from my heart at a long rubberneck for an accident on the other side of the road. While I hate this stupid highway voyeurism more than anything else in the world (you can seriously see all you need to of the accident at speed, trust me), I still had some hope left for my drive.
But that last gasp was ground to bitter dust by a nearly constant state of congestion for the entire run up 75. Unhelpful road signs told me ahead of time that after this bit of congestion, there was another one up the road X miles away, just to make sure I wouldn't think this was the end of it. It was made worse by octogenarians who clogged up every possible breakout between the congestion pockets by never leaving the left lane, as well as by youngsters who weaved in and out of every crevice to try and gain a car length and scaring the old folks into driving even more cautiously, should such a thing be possible.
Finally slogging to the connection to Interstate 4, I was treated to a new stop-and-go gridlock. Already nearly an hour behind schedule, I just about lost my mind at this point and screamed myself hoarse at the world. Eventually, the traffic let up a little, and I began to violate the laws of the universe trying to make up time. There were a fervid pack of us trying to get by old people and families onto open road, and the sense of camaraderie was the only thing keeping me going at this point.
I finally, finally made it to the exit for my hotel and was immediately dropped onto a road with four-stage stoplights for the last five miles. I was not in a good mental state, to put it mildly. Some unclear signage to get to the hotel entrance nearly pushed me over the edge, but I got to the check-in area and waited in line to check in, slowly smoldering the drive from hell from my consciousness.
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| Late repast |
I checked in, parked the car, and dragged my stuff up to my stately room, or at least my junior stately room. I immediately ordered room service and took a shower. Upon exiting, I found out the WiFi signal was piss-poor in my room and gave up after fifteen minutes on the phone with the unhelpful tech support company. After eating my room service, I pretty much gave up for the day and went to bed in my bed of many pillows.
The Stadium & Fans:
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| Home plate to center field, CenturyLink Sports Complex |
Hammond Stadium is part of the “CenturyLink Sports Complex,” and it is another of the new marquee “destination parks” in the Grapefruit League. The extensive grounds of the park include a giant parking lot for fans with a palm tree-lined walkway to the main stadium, and then walkways leading off to the minor-and major-league practice fields beyond the left-field side of the park, centered around the scout tower in the center. Other buildings further off house the offices and indoor training complexes, and all of them are branded with Twins’ greats in the street, building, or field names, with the training building just proclaiming, “This is Twins Territory.” Say what you want about the franchise, but they are on-point with their Spring Training branding.
The stadium itself is a monument to the overblown. The facade was designed to be reminiscent of the Churchill Downs racetrack, with symmetrical windows and archways, balustraded railings, American flag bunting, and a giant waterfall fountain at the main entrance. A long row of ticket booths runs along the wall between the entrances.
All the entrances dump out into a ground-level entrance plaza, with a play area, customer service desk, and a Scouts Hall of Fame. Stairs lead up to the main promenade that circles the entire park. A smaller walkway runs through the grandstand seating bowl separating the box seats from the regular seats above. The main grandstand runs from first to third base behind home plate, with two large shades covering the area around the bases, but not home plate, which is topped with dual levels of luxury boxes and party areas, along with the press box, and has retired numbers and championship banners tacked to the outside. Picnic hills are in right and left fields, and from right to center field is an overhang area with special seats, while there are table seats in the walkway over left field. There's another special seating area in right under an awning, and the top of the grandstand on the first and third base sides has an upper level with table seating and their own concessions.
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| Out to the practice fields |
The outer promenade hooks up with the seating walkway via ramps and at the end of the grandstand at first and third bases. The promenade holds nearly all the concessions, as well as a two-story team store and most of the dedication and memorial plaques in the park. The main digital scoreboard is in left-center, sitting high above the walkway (erroneously called the "boardwalk" in the outfield), a good twenty feet or so above the single-tier outfield wall covered in local ads. With the high backdrop, all you see beyond the wall is the tops of trees and the Florida sky. A small auxiliary digital video board is located by home plate. One nice feature is a deck built into the left field promenade that overlooks the training fields, so you can also watch the practice and scrimmages from inside the park.
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| Rapt TC |
TC the Bear makes the trip down from Minnesota for Spring Training, and given Minnesota winters, you could hardly blame him. There was a minimum of between-inning entertainment during the game, but the healthy crowd that filled most of the seats in this gigantic park were quite into the game, though the Spring Training standby of trolling for autographs was also in full force.
At the Game with Oogie:
At the Game with Oogie:
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| Hot dog and soda |
Perhaps the weirdest encounter of the day was the Twins fans I ran into while waiting in line at Port Charlotte the day before. He said “hello” to me, and we had a chat about the relative merits of the two stadiums and then went on our separate ways.
I had purchased a seat right behind the dugout. It was very much not in the shade, and I spent the day baking. There was a group of middle-aged guys behind me, older groups to my left and right, and a guy with his son in front of me. The group behind me bailed after seven innings due to the heat, as did the group to my right in the eighth. After trying all game, the guy in front finally got a player to give his son a ball in the ninth, and everyone in the section was glad for it, not the least of which was the kid.
I had purchased a seat right behind the dugout. It was very much not in the shade, and I spent the day baking. There was a group of middle-aged guys behind me, older groups to my left and right, and a guy with his son in front of me. The group behind me bailed after seven innings due to the heat, as did the group to my right in the eighth. After trying all game, the guy in front finally got a player to give his son a ball in the ninth, and everyone in the section was glad for it, not the least of which was the kid.
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| Minnesota health food |
I had my mandatory hot dog to start off and threw some fried cheese curds on top of that. Considering I was going to be sitting outside in the sun all day, I would seriously come to regret the later decision about dairy. But I did enjoy the "Killebrew" soda for the same reason.
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| Inevitable |
I continued to not win the 50/50.
The Game:
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| The game progresses, Pirates vs. Twins |
The Pittsburgh Pirates came over to face the Minnesota Twins in this Grapefruit League contest, and the meaningless game ended in favor of the steel town visitors.
The game started slow, with both sides going in order. Pittsburgh struck first in the top of the second inning, with a walk, two singles to load the bases, and another walk to drive in a run, staking them to a 1-0 lead. The Twins went in order again in the second. The Pirates kept the run-train driving with a leadoff homer to dead center in the third, while Minnesota struck back in the bottom of the third with a single, a stolen base, and a double to leave the score at 2-1 after three.
The Pirates went in order in the fourth, but Minnesota tied it up with a two-out homer to right to make it 2-2. Not to be outdone, Pittsburgh had their own solo homer in the top of the fifth to center to take the lead again, 3-2. The Twins went in order in their half. The Pirates went in order in the top of the sixth, while Minnesota stranded a two-out double in the bottom.
Pittsburgh cooked up another run in the top of the seventh with a single, ground-out, and single to make it 4-2, while the Twins just had a single to show for the bottom of the eighth. The Pirates had a leadoff double in the top of the ninth that got over to third on a fly-out. He tried to make it home on a grounder to second, but the throw came home and got him at the plate. Minnesota went quickly in order in their last licks, and the Pirates went away with a pointless 4-2 victory.
The Scorecard:
The game started slow, with both sides going in order. Pittsburgh struck first in the top of the second inning, with a walk, two singles to load the bases, and another walk to drive in a run, staking them to a 1-0 lead. The Twins went in order again in the second. The Pirates kept the run-train driving with a leadoff homer to dead center in the third, while Minnesota struck back in the bottom of the third with a single, a stolen base, and a double to leave the score at 2-1 after three.
The Pirates went in order in the fourth, but Minnesota tied it up with a two-out homer to right to make it 2-2. Not to be outdone, Pittsburgh had their own solo homer in the top of the fifth to center to take the lead again, 3-2. The Twins went in order in their half. The Pirates went in order in the top of the sixth, while Minnesota stranded a two-out double in the bottom.
Pittsburgh cooked up another run in the top of the seventh with a single, ground-out, and single to make it 4-2, while the Twins just had a single to show for the bottom of the eighth. The Pirates had a leadoff double in the top of the ninth that got over to third on a fly-out. He tried to make it home on a grounder to second, but the throw came home and got him at the plate. Minnesota went quickly in order in their last licks, and the Pirates went away with a pointless 4-2 victory.
The Scorecard:
Pirates vs. Twins, 03/20/15. Pirates "win," 4-2.
This scorecard was a mess. Not from a design perspective, per se, but it was literally a mess. It was part of a $5 full-color magazine program, and it was on glossy paper to start with, which made writing in pencil difficult. And then there was the art. The scorecard was printed on a full-color background, with pictures of a pitcher and a batter taking up the top quarter of the card. The glossy printing, plus all that color meant it was a nightmare to write on with sweaty hands, or god forbid, try to erase. My final scorecard looks like a disaster area, as entire sections of the printing were obliterated with erasures or smudges from my sweaty hands on this hot, hot Florida afternoon. There were also an uneven amount of batter lines, which meant you could only leave two lines (for a replacement) for eight of the positions.
For what it was worth, the scorecard had batting lines with totals on the end of each line, and inning totals at the bottom of each column. The scoring squares were empty, but tiny little boxes that made scoring cramped, and especially difficult because any erasure took off the printing of the boxes as well. The pitching lines were underneath the batting lines, and next to the pitching lines were cumulative stats for each team.
I mean, this scorecard was a MESS. Thankfully, there were nearly no interesting scoring plays. The only thing of note was a tag out in the top of the ninth on a fielder's choice that went home to get the runner from third where I noted the tag was almost definitely missed. Also, thankfully, at least the Pirates didn't do a wholesale lineup change, only switching out one position player, and that was part of the double-switch. That resulted in a bit of notational scorekeeping. The Twins did the normal near-full swap-out in the sixth and seventh innings, only leaving in the DH for the entire game.
The Accommodations:
For what it was worth, the scorecard had batting lines with totals on the end of each line, and inning totals at the bottom of each column. The scoring squares were empty, but tiny little boxes that made scoring cramped, and especially difficult because any erasure took off the printing of the boxes as well. The pitching lines were underneath the batting lines, and next to the pitching lines were cumulative stats for each team.
I mean, this scorecard was a MESS. Thankfully, there were nearly no interesting scoring plays. The only thing of note was a tag out in the top of the ninth on a fielder's choice that went home to get the runner from third where I noted the tag was almost definitely missed. Also, thankfully, at least the Pirates didn't do a wholesale lineup change, only switching out one position player, and that was part of the double-switch. That resulted in a bit of notational scorekeeping. The Twins did the normal near-full swap-out in the sixth and seventh innings, only leaving in the DH for the entire game.
The Accommodations:
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| Holiday Inn SE Celebration |
I was staying at the Holiday Inn SE Celebration, or some such. It was selected the night before on the basis of being right down the street from the park for the next day and eligible for a free stay voucher that I had accumulated.
The room itself was quite nice. A kitchenette was at the entry to the room along the whole wall, which led into the living/bedroom, with a couch and chair on one end of the room, and the king-sized bed and nightstand on the other. The adjacent wall had a dresser and the TV. An alcove to the left of the bed had an open walk-in closet, and to the right of the bed was the sink and vanity for the bathroom, with the bathroom proper to the left.
The accouterments of the room were nice, but the service was lacking. The room was missing the "Do Not Disturb," and after two calls to the front desk, I had to tell them to tell whoever brought it up to put it on the door and not disturb me about it because I was going to bed.
The WiFi was spotty except right by the front door, which wasn't exactly convenient, and the room service was a half-hour later than promised. I know they are dealing with a big hotel mostly full of vacationing Disneyers, but you just have to deliver better than this.
Also, no matter how Disney you remember Disney being, it is 1,000X more Disney than that. It doesn't seem possible, and may even break the laws of physics, but that goddamn mouse is everywhere.
2015 Grapefruit League
