Miami

On the Best Money I've Ever Spent

Landshark Field, 2009

Saturday, July 4th, 2009

Pittsburgh Pirates vs. Florida Marlins
Landshark Field (Dolphin Stadium)
Major League Baseball, National League
Miami, FL
6:10 PM


Outside the Game:
I had breakfast at my hotel in Minneapolis before taking the shuttle to the airport. As this would be a time-sensitive flight for my itinerary, it was immediately delayed by the precursor flight from Washington DC getting caught up in weather and got flagged for extra screening at security. To be fair, the lady was very nice as she pillaged through my dirty underwear, taking swabs of god knows what. It turns out some mini-snow globes I had picked up in Tampa had fingered me for extra screening. These same snow globes that I had taken through security all across the country for the last week. I feel safer; don't you?

The delay to the flight wasn't that bad, and we got in the air only 20 minutes late. I sat next to a very nice couple from the Greater Twin Cities area, don'tcha kno, who were very interested in my OLPC. I gave them the whole story behind the project and whatnot. They politely understood about half of it, though they did get the clear impression that I did not enjoy Microsoft's new involvement in the project.

The flight itself went without incident, and we made up all the delay time in the air, touching down on time on the pleasantly melting tarmac of Miami International Airport. A shuttle ride got my to my hotel, where I immediately called a cab to get me to my game, which was inexplicably scheduled at 6:10. The cabbie very enthusiastically told me how it would be much better when the new park opened downtown, removing the necessity of trucking all the way out of town to see a game.

The stadium at least had some self-awareness about its locale and lack of public transportation, and there was a taxi stand outside the gates to help people get back to civilization. (Are you taking notes, LA?) Once again, I had an excellent conversation with the cabbie on the way back to my hotel, backlit by the fireworks that preceeded the KC and the Sunshine Band concert.

Airline travel reared its ugly head after the game, as I tried to print out my boarding pass at the business center. I had managed to forget to assign myself a seat when I bought the ticket in December, and I was unable to do so before the flight. A call to customer service confirmed that I would not be able to get a seat assignment until I checked in the next morning, but I was helpfully assured that there shouldn't be any problem, and by the way, the flight was oversold. So really, what more could I ask for?


The Stadium & Fans:

Home plate to center field, Landshark Field

Let's start with this: who in the Hell decided it would be a good idea to dump a concrete and asphalt monstrosity just north of Miami? I mean, really.

It is a well-known fact that Dolphin Stadium (sorry, "Landshark Field" as they call it during baseball season), isn't very good as a ballpark. Much as with the Metrodome the day before, it is clearly a football stadium that they retrofitted for baseball, although they did manage to do a slightly better job on the decor than the Twins. But to add to the atmosphere of slapdash, the stadium was undergoing renovations, and nearly half the place in the outfield was closed for said reservations, or at least, that was their story. The luxury area was the only really nice part of the park (and by nice, I mean "air conditioned"), but even over half of the concessions in there were also closed for "remodeling."

And then there's attendance. I get it, I do. The ballpark is north of the city and a pain in the ass to get to by all accounts. But they still managed to fill them when they were winning World Series. The sparse crowd for this game (and apparently, this was one of the better days because of a post-game concert and fireworks display) were huddled in the shaded areas of the stadium behind home plate and the foul lines, except for a hardy colony in the outfield, sweating patiently for foul balls. The crowd was into the game, but it was hard to overlook all those empty orange seats that used to have fair-weather asses in them in better days. A scattering of Pirates fans made an appearance as well.

The greatest failure of the Marlins as a ballclub is that they have cheerleaders. To be fair, they just scraped the micro-thin veneer of the "party patrols" at other stadiums and stuffed them into micro-thin spandex costumes, but to paraphrase a movie, there's no cheerleaders in baseball. My favorite bit of this fiasco is that the "Marlin Mermaids" had a parade stance for the national anthem (hands behind back with pom-poms on ass, in case you're wondering). Their second worse offense against baseball is the Marlin Manatees, a dance troupe of fat guys that move it, move it during weekend home games. The Marlin entertainment squad is filled out by an in-stadium DJ and a hot Cuban woman, whose only purpose seemed to be a hot Cuban woman (NTTAWWT).

Cheerleaders, for some reason

As part of the July 4th festivities, there was finally a MLB-wide event to support ALS (Lou Gehrig's Disease) research. There was a raffle in every stadium with proceeds going to ALS research, and a commemorative reading of Gehrig's famous "Luckiest Man" speech, which was originally delivered on July 4th at the old Yankee Stadium. A fitting tribute, to be sure, but the event loses a little of its gravitas when it is delivered by a sweaty "Mr. Marlin," Jeff Connine, in a shorts and a polo shirt, giving an inspired reading straight off a script. The original was better.

The inter-inning contests included a hotdog eating contest and a "make your mortage payment" contest, in which the eventual winner went completely crazy with joy. I guess she was late on her mortgage.


At the Game with Oogie:

Not outside

I believe my exact words at the ticket booth were along the lines of "something in the shade." In what may be the best $60-something dollars I ever spent, I bought "club-level" seats behind home plate. This allowed access into the premium area, which meant air conditioning, which meant that I'm sitting here typing this instead of meeting an untimely death by heat stroke. Even once I got into the club level and into the air conditioning and food court, against all science the heat seemed to stay with me until I had been safely sequestered in the AC for a good twenty minutes. Even chowing down in the interior seating area, the heat remained menacingly just beyond the large glass walls, waiting patiently, oh so patiently, for me to have to go outside.

I did eventually have to venture out to my seat, passing through glass doors that were rendered opaque by condensation. The area behind home plate had been in the shade for a good bit of time at this point, so it was still hot, but not oppressive. I was surrounded by families, old Hispanic men, and a couple of nerds sitting next to me. (You know you're in Miami when even the nerds can dance like Charo when prompted.) The family on the other side of me was particularly amusing, as a Dad had clearly dragged his daughter along to the game against her will, and he continually kept prompting her at exciting points in the game to her dull and unimpressed response.

In addition to the free Marlins cap they were giving away, apparently as part of sitting in the club level you get a free pack of Marlins cards as you leave the stadium.


The Game:

First pitch, Pirates vs. Marlins

Even though the Marlins are currently threatening to take the lead in the listless NL East, a contest between the Marlins and lowly Pirates was never going to an edge-of-your-seat clash of the Titans. The Marlins jumped out to an early lead on a dinger from Ramirez and actually no-hit the Bucks through five innings, but then slowly tried to give the lead back throughout the course of the middle game. They managed to manufacture enough runs (based mostly on Pirate miscues), however, and eeked out a 5-3 win.


The Scorecard:

Pirates vs. Marlins, 07/04/09. Marlins win, 5-3.

The scorecard could be purchased separately, or as part of the $5 program. It was good cardstock, but the card was at best one-handing it. There was a big blank area at the bottom for no good reason, and they didn't even have the pitching lines. For a national league card, they only gave one line per player and a few extra at the bottom of each team. The clincher for me was the fact that, much like Atlanta, they clearly didn't proofread the thing, as the first column for the player positions had scoring diamonds in them. Details, people, details.


The Accommodations:

Sleep Inn

As I was once again largely using the hotel as a bed, I opted for a relatively cheap Sleep Inn near to the airport. I somehow managed to book a handicap-accessible room, and, in retrospect, the sheer act of doing that probably makes me eligible for the room itself, so it all works out. I asked to move in case an actual non-mentally handicapped individual showed up, but I was assured that there were other handicapped-accessible rooms still available. As the room was fine outside of having a bench in the shower and all the seats and switches at wheelchair height, I didn't ask to move. Once again, it was exactly what I needed it to be, and outside of the neighboring room having some loud, ahem, fun (quickly alleviated by some application of my iPod), I managed to get a full night's sleep that was guaranteed to make me feel groggy the entire next day.

On Never, Ever Being Late Going Home

The way back

Sunday, July 5th, 2009

Hoboken, NJ


Outside the Game:
My ticketing situation was still unresolved as of the night before, which gave me pause. That pause was tempered, however, with the knowledge that I was going home today, and my flights home are never in doubt. It doesn't come to pass that I have to call work and say "There's nothing I can do. They canceled my flight and I have to stay here an extra day." No, we couldn't have that.

I had breakfast at the hotel and then shuttled out to the airport early to sort out my ticket situation. I checked in at the self-service kiosk and was brightly told again that I didn't have a seat and I'd have to get one at the gate. Sure.

So through security and out to the gate I went, and I was finally pleasantly surprised to find someone already at the gate counter who gave me a boarding pass with a seat. You win again, Work. I had a hour and half to kill before boarding, so I found one of those recharger stations and started do some work on this thing while I waited. Boarding went smoothly, though I was seated in the same row as a rather haggard looking family, clearly coming back from a vacation such as my own. They had in tow five personal Pizza Hut pizzas that made me insanely hungry and already finding the complimentary cookie I was going to get with my free drink seem inadequate. One of the first messages from the pilot was that we were probably going to land a little early, and hey, where were you on my damn flight out?

The flight back did, in fact, land early, my driver was, in fact, right there to pick me up, and my ride back to my apartment from LaGuardia did, in fact, make record time. After some emergency watering of my plants, I had an exciting late afternoon of laundry to distract me from thinking about work the next day.

An Afterward:

As of this moment, I have three major league stadiums I have not yet been to: new Yankee Stadium, the Oakland Colosseum, and Fenway Park. I have plans to finalize to go out to Oakland in August and plans set in stone for Fenway in the last week of the season. Frankly, I'm holding out for my Dad to go to new Yankee Stadium to finance the ticket purchase.

Assuming that the rest goes as planned, I've run out of places to go next July 4th week. Although Target Stadium in Minneapolis is opening up, it is not enough to occupy more than a weekend trip. Although I ultimately see myself heading off to conquer the minor league parks as well, I have two ideas floating around for my "off year" next year. First, I may follow the Mets around on the road for the week. However, if the Mets are home, I was thinking to perhaps go to Japan and go to games for a week.

Time will ultimately tell, but I know that I'll be watching baseball next year.

Click here to see all the photos from this trip.

2009 The Rest